McCain Dedicated to Helping Citizens Find Their Pills, Slippers

Updated on 4/10/2008 at 12:45PM EST

Senator John McCain is outraged to hear how a constituent's pills were removed from next to the toaster oven, where she swears she left them the night before.

John McCain will unveil what he is calling a "Missing Property" plan later Thursday to help Americans deal with the problem of misplaced pills.

"I believe a more robust, timely and targeted effort is my Missing Property plan. It offers every deserving American the opportunity to find out who moved their pills. This plan is focused on people; people whose pills and slippers are always being moved. People decide if they need help, they apply for assistance, and if approved, the government under my Missing Property Program supports them in getting to the bottom of the missing articles. There will be qualifications, for example the home must be a primary residence, and their must be two or more people living in the home. We will combine the power of government and the private sector to find immediate solutions for deserving Americans who can't find their pills and slippers.

"My plan follows the sound economic principle that when someone can't find their pills, they are forced to purchase a new bottle of pills. It is built on the reality that Americans should have an equity capital stake in their medications and leisure footwear. Americans would end up purchasing fewer bottles of pills and fewer pairs of slippers."